6 people I run into at concerts (Especially the metal ones)

So the three times per year that I go to a show, I always run into these people. I used to be annoyed of them, but im getting used to them at this point

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1. The Ungroomed

You’d think they got sweaty from moshing the whole. Nope, they came to the venue making sure poor people could get a couple ounces of salt water. If you keep too much contact, you might need to go home and shower before the next band comes on.

2. The Billboard

Represents 40% of the audience. They all went to hot topic and bought all the XL’s (and up) of the exact same shirt. Once they run into each other they look the other way and sneer at one another for buying the only shirt at the only place they could of gotten it. Their purpose: reminding you of what artist you should expect to see in the event you get knocked out and have lost all memory.

3. Mr. and Mrs. Negative

The Negatives were most likely dragged to the show by friends or significant others who are fans of the artist. No matter what happens, Mr. and Mrs Negative will always find the downside. “We had to wait thirty minutes in line” “They played their best song last” “the bathrooms are messy and they stink” are common phrases said by either one of the members of this family. If you’re at a metal show, the audience is very likely to be most dressed in black, the negative will probably be dressed in white or pink

better atone for your sins, or actually don't waste your time.


The best thing to do is tell them to shut up leave them home.

4. Drunky Mcdrunkteron.

He feels that he wont be able to experience the full potential of the band unless he gets shit-faced. So he drinks, drinks, drinks, and he buys his friends drinks at the show. hell, you probably drove him there drunk. What usually happens in the end, they throw up or pass out by the time the opening band’s last song. If you see a group of friends huddle by the bar, this has most likely happened, so please look carefully on the floor to make sure you dont step on throw up.

5. The Enchanced.

These people love music, they probably had a couple drinks, and maybe they hit the bong a couple times, but once the music starts playing, they love it enough to show the world. For example, if Lynyrd Skynyrd is playing Freebird, they are very likely to start doing the Electric Slide to it. Yea, it doesn’t make much sense, but they really love the music.

6. The Bodyguard

This is somewhat of a two-fer, because it’s typically a couple or some guy trying to get his dick wet. The girl is either a fan or Mrs. Negative. But no matter what, they feel to join the pit, and The Bodyguard spends more time guarding the girl from everyone in the pit (you know, people running into each other….the nerve!) than enjoying the show. Next time, just date a girl who can protect herself, stay away from the pit or leave her at home.


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