Dear Self Pity, you’re kinda bothering me and my friends

I swim in the see of self pity. No doubt, it has been happening for awhile, probably since I was born.  I havn’t been very certain as to why. I gain nothing from it. I’m in a school I do not particularly like making grades that aren’t good enough for the school I do like. I work two jobs that require no skill and have no relevance to my career choice and therefore hate it. I am homeless and by my luck, friends have come to my side to aide me, until I can get back on my feet.

But last night, I started thinking “what got me here?”. After mapping it all out, I pin pointed it to two things “fear” and “selflessness”.

FEAR

Concrete things like dying, snakes, the number 13, and spider don’t scare. But what does is rejection, and failure. It’s always, “I’m afraid I’ll never do good in life”, “I’ll never meet the right person and make the family I always wanted” “The college I want to go to wont accept me” “I’ll never get to make a movie” “No one will remember me when I die” (Though I’ve come to terms that will be impossible). Though right in front of my face, I realized that I’m already going through those fears, and keeping them stuck to me is not only going to keep me from them, but from everything else and everyone else. In the current Green Lantern lore, there’s a term shuffled around known as the “Parallax Fear Anomaly”. It is pretty much what everyone knows as the Green Lantern’s weakness being anything yellow (so yes, that powerful green ring can never peel a banana). Though still a weakness for the newer Green Lantern recruits, the more experienced ones have been able to recognize the source of the fear and overcome it. It’s time for me to get over PFA

PRIORITY

I put the needs of everyone else over mine. Why? Partly because I can, but subconciously I’ve always felt they would return the favor. That’s never going to be the case, no one owes me anything and I do not owe anyone anything else (Except my credit card company some money, but thats getting squared away.). How can I help others, if I cant help myself? I’m not from another planet, I havn’t gone through a super soldier program, and no jewelry has to yet to come and give me supernatural abilities. So from now on, everything I need to do is just gonna have to be for the sake of me alone.

Tomorrow I’m going to make a list of the rules I live by.

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